Of Bots and Men
by Comet-Striker
Summary: The Warners are growing more out of control, so Plotz decides to put a more reliable robot guard in charge of keeping them in line and in their tower when they try to flee to go to the mall. What do you think they're gonna do when they see a new toy to torment? Includes bonus Wheel of Morality segment. This is completely separate from my "A Dare Gone Zany" storyline.
_Animaniacs is owned by Warner Bros., I don't claim any of them as mine, same as with any other franchise I use in here, they're not mine either._

 _This is a one-shot._ _This is not related to my "A Dare Gone Zany" story._

* * *

 _Varied theme song line of the day: Yakko and Dot, who was picking up Wakko by the sweater insid_ _e a crane game with its claw: "In the prize crane-y!"_

 _1PM, in the Warner Lot_

The Warners were getting up to their old tricks again, having just gotten back into their Water Tower. Ralph the security guard was wobbling and waddling along after them, looking like he was inflated into a sumo wrestler before he tripped and rolled around the lot like a ball, bouncing off of multiple things and screaming for help to stop him.

"Hoo man, he looked like a Macy's Day balloon back there!" Yakko said after a fit of laughter, sighing in relief.

"I knew my tire pump would get some use after all!" Wakko said as he brought said tire pump out. "That doughnut got more tasty the bigger it got." He added as his stomach grumbled from thinking of that. They must've inflated the doughnut before it was eaten, and kept going after that to make Ralph that big.

Yakko sighed happily and brushed his hands together. "Well sibs, another fun romp well done! What's next for tomorrow?"

"What about the the mall? I've been dying to get the new 'Ode de la Irritating' perfume kit they have there now." Dot chimed in, opening up a magazine to show an ad for that same kit, with a bright and toothy grin on her face.

"Ehhhh, I was thinking of getting a new autograph book there. Mine's kinda full... " Yakko said as he pulled it out and flipped through the book, every page having "Michelle Pfeiffer" signed on it at least twice, except for one page which had "Don Knotts" signed on the corner of the last page.

"Hey!" Yakko exclaimed when he saw the different signature, turning to Wakko with a frown.

Wakko shrugged a bit and smiled bashfully and goofy. "I had to when I heard he was in town. Took me eight tries..."

Yakko relented and smiled, patting his head after putting the autograph book away. "Ahh don't worry my little brother, you won't be left out. Instead of an autograph, we'll get ya a disc of his show there!"

Wakko's eyes lit up at hearing that. "You mean 'The Don Knotts Show'?" He asked curiously.

Dot nodded with a smile too. "The same thing!" She said happily.

"Well why wait until tomorrow then?" Wakko suggested with a bright grin himself.

As they agreed with that and talked about what else they would get, each thing they listed making them jump more in excitement, they heard a hard knocking on their tower door. The three Warners stopped jumping and froze in midair, wondering who it could be at their door.

"Ya got ten seconds to tell us what you're selling!" Yakko responded, all three kids now unfrozen.

An old, gruff and familiar voice responded back from behind the door. "It's Plotz, you brats!" It said loudly.

The Warners looked at each other curiously a bit, then Yakko shrugged. "Alright, make it 15."

"Open this blasted door!" He shouted. The door immediately swung open and Plotz was pulled in, getting thrown onto the couch with a bubble pipe in his mouth and a magazine.

"Welcome to 'Casa del Warner', where your fascinating dreams come true, whether you like 'em or not." Yakko said with an expensive robe on now.

"Anything else we can provide? Drink, turkey, monkey?" Dot said, who zipped over to him along with Wakko in butler's outfits, both of the handing the chairman all those things while the monkey and turkey screeched in his ears.

Plotz yelled and shook everything off and spit the pipe out. "No no no, none of that!" He shouted.

Yakko cast a glance at the readers. "And they say hospitality's dead." He said with a smirk.

Plotz stomped over, but tried to recollect himself, slowly sighing. "Now then..." He said a bit angrily still, but that was normal, rubbing his forehead. "After hearing about you getting Ralph inflated up like a big balloon..."

"Ya like it?" Yakko interrupted. All three kids were also in their normal clothes again. "Now your Thanksgiving parade can go off without a hitch!"

"He's more lifelike than the other balloons there anyway." Dot added with a whisper to the chairman, then zipped back to the other two siblings. Plotz grumbled a bit, but didn't explode yet, that'd be just what they wanted.

"That's not what I meant. I decided to give you a little... 'surprise'." Plotz said with a little bit of a forced smile. The three siblings smiled more brightly at that, hopping onto the chairman one by one, forcing him to hold them up in his arms so he didn't fall over.

"You're finally trusting us with Batman's utility belt?" Yakko said excitedly.

"You're bringing us together into a rock band?" Wakko added just as happily.

"I'm finally gonna be on the Walk of Fame?" Dot said eagerly too, smiling just as much.

Plotz eventually did fall over on his back after Dot jumped on, the Warners hopping away after he fell and leaving him lying down. He shook his head and got back up. "No, no and no!" He shouted, heading to the door and opening it up. When it opened, Plotz pointed down to the ground, the Warners looking down and seeing what seemed like a big robot. It was 7 feet tall, grey, reflective, humanoid shaped and metallic; all powered up and activated, complete with antenna on the top of his head.

"Yakko, Wakko, Dot, meet the new 'Bot-Guard'." Plotz said proudly with a smug grin after they slid down the tower ladder back to ground level to get a better look at it.

"Hi, Botty!" The 3 Warners said in unison. Bot-Guard waved back a bit, but Plotz shot it a stern look, making it fall back at attention. The chairman then pressed a button on a remote he brought with him, making the robot fizzle and his antenna glow.

"Bot Guard activated. Intercept mode engaged." It said in a monotone voice.

"With as much energy as the Terminator no less." Yakko said to his sibs, pointing his thumb at it.

"I spent good money on this thing, so I expect it to be at its best to keep you here in the studio where you belong." Plotz said proudly. Then suddenly Ralph rolled by them, screaming for help as he was still inflated. "Ugh... Now I gotta go deflate Ralph again. Don't go anywhere!" The chairman said as he started walking away. "Not that you can anyway." He added softly to himself with a big grin.

The Warners walked around it a bit, trying to size it up while the robot stood still for now. "Looks like a leftover attraction from Fazbear's Pizzeria." Yakko said curiously.

"But with less teeth." Wakko added, pulling his lips to show all of his own pearly whites before letting them go.

"So is it gonna do something?" Dot asked, looking at herself in the reflection of the robot's leg, brushing her hair and adjusting the flower on top of her head. "Maybe's it's like a mascot suit from a Six Flags." She said. "Or maybe it's a vanity bot, it's all covered with mirrors!" Dot added as she posed a little bit in front of it. "Now this I like!"

Yakko knocked on the robot a bit, hearing a hollow sound inside the bot, but it was as hard as steel. "Maybe it's the endoskeleton of Matthew Broderick." He said with a shrug. Yakko then hopped onto the bot's shoulder effortlessly. "Well 'Tall, Gray and Heavy Metal', nice having this one-sided chat with ya, but we'll just be heading to the mall for a bit for some stuff, ok? Alright, thanks!" He said the last part with no pause at all and the Warners were just about to run off, but the bot went and grabbed them in its big hands, making them squeak.

"Incorrect assumption. You will not leave your tower or the studio." The bot said in its monotone and metallic-sounding voice.

Yakko just gave an little "courtesy laugh" at that. "Okay okay... I'm gonna give ya some benefit and guess that you don't really know what exactly we are..." He started, slipping out of the bot's hands easily. He walked up its arm and onto its shoulder as he talked, resting his arm on its head all casually.

"Well even I didn't know we could squeak like that." Wakko said as he squeezed himself this time, making that same squeaking noise but louder. "We're like rubber duckies!" He added happily, squeezing himself some more to make a little song from it, sounding like "Jingle Bells" thanks to the changes in pitch he did with his lips.

"Catch the single in Vegas next Tuesday." Dot remarked.

The robot immediately turned and threw the Warners back up to the Water Tower, making them land on their rears. "You will not leave your tower, chairman's orders." The bot replied up at them in its monotone, standing at attention and staring right at them. The Warners looked at each other, then back down at the bot.

"You sure you don't wanna come up here and see the view?" Yakko offered with a smile.

"Calculating..." The robot said, the digital eyes turning into hourglasses for a second or two. "Yes I do. I suspect the view of the sky would be admirable at this time of day." It responded.

"So if it was a Transformer, would it turn into a PC?" Dot asked Yakko who responded with a shrug, poking fun at the bot's slowness to answer.

"How 'bout ya bring the tower over to you instead?" Yakko suggested as he looked down at the bot. It raised its hand and shot a grappling hook which latched onto the top of the tower, thankfully missing the kids. The robot pulled it down, the tower support beams now bending like rubber as the robot brought the top of the tower close to it.

When the tower top was very close to the bot and almost to the ground, the Warners thanked it and hopped off, all three of them jumping on the bot's head at the same time. The impact made the robot lose its footing and grip, making it fly up with the tower when it sprung back upright like a catapult. It also made the robot's grappling hook let go too, causing the big robot guard to fly into the air as it screamed.

"Oooooh..." Wakko exclaimed in awe as he watched.

"And that's how you become a headliner for the gymnastic part of the Summer Olympics, my plucky siblings." Yakko said with a proud smile.

"To the mall!" Dot shouted. Wakko got out a bugle horn and played the "cavalry charge" music on it, revving up all three sibs and getting them ready to run as they darted towards the studio exit.

Before they could do that though, the robot then returned with the help of rockets on its feet, landing right in front of them to stop them from leaving the lot, its arms crossed in a stern way. "Does NASA know you're ahead of the curve with those things?" Yakko responded.

 _In Plotz's office_

Meanwhile, Plotz was watching out his office window with Dr. Scratchansniff with a big grin on his face. "Ohohoho, this is rich! It's perfect! A robot they can't annoy into submission was my best idea yet, Scratchansniff!" He said to the doctor with happiness. "Now they can't get out and annoy the rest of the town and the world!"

Scratchansniff looked on with a bit of puzzlement. "Ya, but zey should at least talk to other people. My years trying to dezanitize them(to no avail) says maybe zey need to express zemselves to more people." He said in his accent.

"Wha- Have those kids made you deaf too?!" Plotz shouted, grabbing the doctor's shirt to bring his head to the chairman's level. "Let me make it clearer then." He said in a bit of a quiet yet darker tone. "Those kids have cost us our money and dignity more times than we can count on our hands and feet, Scratchansniff!" He added loudly. "Not even the Wachouski Brothers cost us this much in respect!"

"Hm... I forget, which one of zem was ze brother again?" Scratchansniff asked curiously. Plotz let go of him, still scowling a bit.

"It doesn't matter!" The chairman yelled."The point is that this is my best idea yet, those kids aren't going anywhere ever again to cause their brand of mayhem!" Plotz said with glee as he started to leave.

"But vat if zey DO find a vay to get rid of it?" Scratchansniff asked a bit fearfully. He knew just how crazy the Warners were, he wouldn't put it past them to find a way to do that.

"I'm not worried, it's annoy-proof AND foolproof!" The chairman said with confidence. "You worry too much doctor, just let it work its mechanical magic, and all will be fine and quiet once again!" He added. "It'd better, considering what it cost to order and build it..." Plotz grumbled a bit after that, leaving his office with Scratchansniff looking out the window for a bit more, then following him out.

 _Outside in the movie lot_

Back outside, the Warners were busy messing around with the bot some more, more curious than anything about it as Yakko and Wakko jumped onto the bot, which tried to pull them off to no avail. They just moved away from it right before the grab every time it tried while Dot was drawing flowers on one of the robot's legs in marker.

"Ha, almost that time!" Yakko said. "You running on AOL in that head?" He added while knocking on said head.

"6.0." The robot responded.

Yakko hissed a bit at that. "Ooh, no wonder." He avoided yet another grab by the bot as Wakko knocked on the torso of the bot.

"Hey, you got a fridge in there? I'm starving!" He asked, opening it up. Instead it was a seat with a few moving gears, along with Pinky and the Brain that were about to take control of it before they were caught. The bot must've been on autopilot the whole time.

"Oh, he must be a theme park mascot built for little people!" Dot said after the lab mice jumped out and fled.

"Well we're little too!" Yakko and Wakko said at the same time. The Warners then all tried to stuff themselves into the seat, clamoring for a turn as the torso door closed and the bot started jittering during the struggle inside it.

"Alert, alert, intruder in my chest!" The bot said as it sounded an alarm. The Warner sibs argued some more and jerked around a control stick that was in that control room, making the bot march and spin around madly. Upon pressing a few more buttons accidentally, the robot did a few handsprings and cartwheels, hitting sound-stage after sound-stage in the lot like a pinball machine. It even chased after a wandering, now fully-deflated Ralph for a bit before a sign appeared on top of the Water Tower that said and flashed "TILT" and "High Score".

After some more damaging of the movie lot, along with a breaking up and destruction of a nearby filming of a badly choreographed Batman and Superman wrestling match inside another sound-stage for their future movie, the robot opened the hatch and ejected the siblings out once they were back outside, stopping the rampage.

"Don't do that again!" The bot shouted this time.

"That's fine, you can do it without us instead!" Yakko said as he hopped onto the bot's head, turning the cranks on it, making the robot shiver and shudder before doing more cartwheels and spins. It chased after some of the toony movie actors like it was the Tasmanian Devil for a minute, before it finally stopped and it fell down on its back. The Warners were cheering and whistling and holding up "10" and "9" signs above their heads like they were judging it.

"Told ya you can do it just fine by yourself!" Yakko said with a proud smile. Wakko and Dot then brought up signs to the readers that said "Goodnight" "Everybody!".

The mechanical guard groaned and creaked from the damage. "This wasn't in my creation description. I should've signed up to be an extra on 'Ghostbusters' or something." The bot admitted dizzily as it sat back up.

"By now, be glad you didn't." Yakko said with a smug smirk as he popped up behind its back, making the robot stand back up right away. The Warners were all right there by it once again.

"What's wrong, ya don't like our games?" Wakko asked. The bot shook its head.

"Objective is not to play games, it is to keep Warner Brothers in studio and water tower." The robot guard explained.

"And the Warner Sister!" Dot reminded it, jumping up to the robot's head level when she did.

"Well mister hollow, monotone and reflective," Yakko started. "This is what we do when we're stuck here, you wanna stick around for more?" He said as an offer, but almost as a challenge too.

"I can take it. Bot-Guard has more mental toughness than the average human and is trained to be annoyproof." The robot announced.

"With all the heart and soul of the Tin Man." Yakko said to the readers.

Wakko's belly growled, making him frown a bit. "All this playing's making me hungry again." He said.

"Well surely this guard here is more than capable of giving you your meal, right?" Yakko told his little brother, both of them looking at the bot expectantly.

"What does this brother consume then?" The bot guard asked.

"Oh just a bit of these." Dot said as she gave it a rolled up list. The bot opened it and it rolled down to the ground and a long way away from them. The bot tried its best to calculate just what exactly everything was on that list. The only thing crossed off that list of food was "Swedish Meatballs" though.

"Which one is his favorite?" The bot asked.

"Well what day is it?" Wakko asked in return.

"That's not the answer I was looking for." The robot stated.

"Ugh, I told you time and again to keep your answers close!" Yakko said, hopping onto the bot to open its head by pulling the top off from the antenna. "No wonder you keep looking for them, never in your head where they should be." He added with a scoff as he started digging around inside. The robot guard jittered around and muttered gibberish for a few seconds, its body spinning around in place with various springs and bolts being ejected out of its head before Yakko finally hopped off. The bot closed its head, shaking it too.

"Well it wasn't in there, not like there was much anyway." The older brother concluded. "He did have that screw loose in there though."

"Well I got more if it needs them!" Wakko said, shaking his head back and forth as screws spilled out of his ears and onto the ground. The robot growled a bit and took a screw to put back in its head.

Wakko couldn't take his hunger anymore and jumped up to bite the robot's arm, making it scream and start running around in a panic. It shook its bitten arm as fast as it could, but Wakko held on tight with his teeth.

"Looks like it found its answer." Dot said with a smile.

"And dessert too." Yakko added.

The robot continued trying in vain to shake off Wakko from its arm, who finally let go only to bite into the bot's metal leg. He was chomping on it as the bot now tried shaking it too, so fast it was like a blur. He hopped with its other leg, soon ending up falling into a tour trolley and crushing it.

"Say, ya ever thought about kickboxing instead?" Yakko said, again as if this was normal to them, snapping his fingers.

Wakko finally let go once he heard the snap of the finger, after taking a bite out of the bot's metal leg of course, and walked back over to Yakko and Dot nearby with a big burp.

"What? They do everything I tell them." The older sibling explained when the robot looked at them about to ask "how".

Dot went over to the downed robot and peeled a piece of the reflective metal from the bot's bitten leg that was about to fall off anyway, carrying it back to the other two. "I needed a new mirror for my room. It'll add lots of character to it." She said simply.

The bot, all battered and a bit crumpled, held its head in its hand, shorting out every so often and starting to walk away after it got back up. "Must get rep-pairs..." It stuttered as it started to leave.

"Hey, where are ya going?" Yakko called out to it. "You haven't even met Dot's pet yet!"

The robot turned around to them. "P-p-pet?" It said, still shorting out a bit.

Dot brought out the little white box from behind her and slowly took the lid off of it. Today it was a big baby, a HUGE baby. It dwarfed the bot by a couple of feet as it grabbed it and shook it like a big rattle. The baby gurgled and giggled as it shook and hit the bot against the ground back and forth, then finished by slamming it on the ground, leaving it in an even worse state once the baby "pet" went back in Dot's box, putting it away as she grinned. "That's just its way of saying it likes you!" She said happily and innocently.

"This is t-the worst j-job..." The bot stuttered, just laying there.

"Aww, you're just sayin' that cause you mean it." Dot said with a smile.

The robot slowly got back up again, shorting out more now. "So what's the next game we're gonna play? Wrestling? Feeding Frenzy? Costumes?" Wakko asked with a big, goofy smile as he got out and slipped a turkey leg(with gravy) costume onto the battered bot, making the middle sibling grin more so.

The robot guard just screamed and activated its rocket feet to get away. But only one still worked after the Warners' "games", so it flew all around frantically and sporadically, the turkey leg costume falling off of it mid-flight as the bot was looping and crashing into more things. It finally stopped by crashing through the window into Plotz's office, making the little chairman jump in fright when it landed harshly in front of his desk.

"What are you doing in here?! You're supposed to be keeping the Warners in the studio and in line!" Plotz shouted at the damaged bot.

"N-not a-anymore. I q-q-q-quiiiiiiit..." The bot said as its voice soured and it powered down, falling over and destroying Plotz's desk under its heavy form. The chairman growled and just screamed. "How?! This is just impossible!" He shouted angrily.

"We're so crazy Plotzy, we didn't know it was impossible." Yakko said with a smirk as he popped up behind Plotz, bouncing onto his head and hopping away with his siblings.

The chairman looked outside and gasped in fright and soon growled in anger at seeing his movie lot damaged like that, fists balled up in rage. "That's the last time I buy a build-it-yourself robot from an IKEA liquidation sale!" He shouted. "RAAAALPH! Get those kids back here now!" Plotz ordered as he jumped and stomped on the ground, his face beet red by now and his temper flaring. Ralph immediately complied and ran off to catch the kids to no avail, with them managing to stay ahead of him like always.

The three Warners then stopped and froze mid-chase a few seconds later. "We liked the older model better anyway." All three said to the readers in unison with smiles on their faces, unfreezing and fleeing the Warner lot, running towards the town and towards the mall, with Ralph still chasing after them before the fade-out.

* * *

 _The Warners were running through the park trying to flee from Ralph again before screeching to a halt._

 _"It's that time again!" Yakko said._

 _"To send Plotz another letter to bring our show back?" Wakko asked._

 _"To get to the talent show for my audition?" Dot said._

 _"Nope! It's time to learn today's lesson!" Yakko said. "And to find out what it is, we turn to the Wheel of Morality!" He said as the wheel slid into view and as he gave it a big spin._

 _"Wheel of Morality turn turn turn, tell us the lesson that we should learn."_

 _The wheel stopped on 1._

 _"And the moral of today's story is: 'If you're seeing 3 charming and zany kids wrecking your house, take a trip to the local nuthouse and get in line'."_

 _"Now that's the lesson everyone should have in their books." Dot said in response._

 _"Do ya get a discount off a large pizza if you say that over the phone?" Wakko added._

 _The three kids then noticed Ralph and let out a yipe, immediately fleeing as Ralph came in and shook his hand in annoyance at another failed catch with net in hand, chasing after them again._

* * *

 _Ending line of the day from the Tower: Yakko: "And to think you could've watched 'The Big Comfy Couch' instead!"_


End file.
